When my young son started learning violin, I did, too. I already play multiple instruments, so I assumed it wouldn’t be too challenging.
I assumed wrong.
My first attempt at putting bow to strings resulted in a primeval, dissonant groan, punctuated with shrieks akin to nails on a chalkboard. Mortified, I wanted to run away; however, feeling my son’s impressionable gaze, I took a breath and surrendered my pride to the process.
The older I get, the more I notice people around me saying, “I wish I had learned _ when I was younger.” In my piano teaching, I’m struck by how many parents sigh as they watch their offspring tinkling the ivories and share their regret at not learning when they were younger, when it was easier.
As a teacher and optimist, I feel duty-bound to reassure them: “It is never too late to be what you might have been” — we can learn new things at any age. Not only can we learn, but we should. Learning stimulates our brains to form new neural connections, and, perhaps, even generate new brain cells.
If the possibility of staving off cognitive stagnation and decline isn’t a convincing enough reason to sign up for tap dancing, Spanish or music lessons, there are other benefits. Improved stress management, increased opportunities for social connection, boosted confidence, personal fulfillment and keeping life interesting are all reasons to try something new.
But learning is work, and it’s often hard, frustrating work. As we grow out of our childhood and teenage years, learning new things gets a little trickier – and we don’t make it any easier on ourselves.
The adult piano students I have worked with over the years face common hurdles. Some are situational (lack of time, mental and emotional fatigue, finances, etc.), but other challenges have more to do with their mindsets and assumptions about learning.
I’ve witnessed many adults become overwhelmed by these latter, “self-inflicted” challenges and quit before they really start. So, how do we surmount the inherent difficulties of learning anything in order to reap the benefits?
CHECK YOUR MINDSET
Many people believe if something doesn’t come easily to us, it means we aren’t smart or talented. Carol Dweck, researcher and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, explains that this “fixed mindset” can lead to a low tolerance for frustration and easily giving up. Alternately, it can also fuel an unhealthy drive toward perfectionism and a fear of failure.
A lot of us grew up with the belief that mistakes are bad; however, current pedagogical research indicates that positive reinforcement of specific actions through feedback is much more effective for learning than criticizing errors.
Be kind to yourself. I wince when I hear students call themselves “stupid” just because they miss a note; or apologize in advance because it’s not going to be “perfect.” The difficulties and the imperfections are where I do my work. Mistakes are the source of real learning, and, as research psychologist Jason Moser’s work highlights, struggle literally grows your brain.
Dweck recommends the following mindset-altering bit of self-talk: instead of feeling defeated and saying, “I can’t,” add on an extra word and say, “I can’t, YET.”
SET REALISTIC GOALS AND TIMELINES
You wouldn’t expect a three-year-old to master a Beethoven sonata in their first year of playing. Sometimes they do (as the proliferation of “child prodigy” YouTube videos would have us believe), but these kiddos are extreme exceptions. Awe-inspiring, indeed, but not a healthy comparison for our own progress.
As adults, we often set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Because we’re older, we should learn faster, right? Not so. Learning isn’t as intuitive as when we were children, and it can be disillusioning when success doesn’t come as quickly as we’d like (or think it should).
It’s okay to identify as a beginner and to measure your learning against beginner-level expectations, whether you are three or 93. Break large goals into smaller steps, so you can see and celebrate your progress.
ROUTINE TRUMPS WILLPOWER
Life is full, and it’s easy for a whole week to fly by, only to realize you spent absolutely zero time on your learning goals. Suzuki instructor Christine Goodner (The Suzuki Triangle) advocates making your practice part of your daily routine – like brushing your teeth, you just do it.
On the other hand, if we rely on willpower – “Hmm, I really should practise my Italian verbs. I’ll definitely do it tonight” – instead of routine, chances are something else will come up to divert our attention and time (even if we really meant to practise).
BE OPEN
Many students stubbornly adhere to counterproductive habits, and adults often have the tightest grip on these. For example, instead of targeting a challenging part of a song, some students will insist on playing it from beginning to end every time, becoming increasingly frustrated when it doesn’t improve.
An openness to new ways of learning is essential for growth. It’s not always comfortable, and that’s where finding a great teacher or mentor is important. They help us build on what we already know, and then gently push us over the edge of our comfort zone: “Now, try this” – just far enough so we can see the possibilities and capabilities beyond our self-imposed limits.
A COMMUNITY OF LEARNERS
Whatever you are learning, solo or with an instructor, finding a group of others who are learning the same thing is beneficial for both moral support and helpful feedback. If meeting up in person is hard, there are online communities for just about everything that can help your skill development and be an important source of inspiration and motivation.
And so, several months after my rocky start, I can play “Twinkle, Twinkle” and not wince. It might seem like a trivial achievement for an adult music teacher, but for the first time in years, I’m feeling the excitement and deep-down pride of overcoming struggle. I’m sure my Grandpa Harry, who gave me the violin when I was a teenager, is up there somewhere, smiling, happy that I’m finally learning how to play it.
I know I am.
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I was looking for something else on this site but saw your headline chuckled and had to read it. I picked up my son’s violin after he left home. I’m 68 and have been playing for 1 year. Often thought of a switching to the unkelee but am persevering, usually practising when no one is home. I’m finally sounding less like someone stepped on the cat. My teacher, Blaine Waldbauer, who was also my son’s teacher is very patient and encouraging. My brain is being stretched in ways I hadn’t imagined. It was encouraging to read some one else is in my situation.