Thrive Beyond 55 – October 2020

“Every word you say is a blueprint that your mind, body and psyche want to make a reality,” according to Marisa Peer, a UK therapist and personal coach. “Words are powerful and the most powerful words are those you say to yourself.”

As many of you know, I closed the magazine for two months due to the impact of COVID-19. During that time of intensity and adjustment, I had to take on some complex technology tasks that demanded intensive training over the course of about a month.

With so many new challenges and uncertainty staring me in the face, I felt hugely outmatched.  I didn’t know how I would learn this new technology within the required timeframe. Each day produced higher levels of anxiety. 

I lay awake at night churning through processes and formulas in my head, turning on the light to write down questions to ask the following day, worrying I would miss something vital that would come back to cause havoc. The knot in my stomach was growing bigger by the day.

Around about the half way point through this period of time, I wrote the agonizing thought in my daily journal: “This is so hard. I can’t do this!”

I realized I had channeled my biggest fear onto the paper in front of me. As stress goes, this was rock bottom.  I spent about a minute in the grips of the fear, feeling it in the pit of my stomach and then noticing it begin to soften as it got the attention it had been seeking all these weeks. I began an internal inquiry in an attempt to process the experience I was having.

As the blunt emotion gave way to curiosity, I suddenly realized that the conversation I had been having internally with myself for several weeks had been throwing such resistance on my path that it was not only blocking my mental ability to absorb the new training material, it was causing immense emotional suffering.

With this realization I felt the trauma drain from my body and what slipped into the empty space was a new question I’d not asked myself before: “What could I believe, to make myself okay with this training experience?”

I took a deep breath and scratching out the word “can’t” in my journal. I wrote instead: “I CAN do this. I can get excited about the opportunity to learn something new. In fact, I will be so much more capable in the end that I will wonder why I didn’t do this sooner.”  I felt the final residuals of anxiety dissolve. I actually laughed out loud from the relief, sensing the dread was gone and in its place was the lighter feeling of anticipation.

I began to imagine what it would be like to feel excited about arriving at my next lesson – how it would feel to execute the work with ease and competence.

As I completed the remainder of my training the crushing anxiety was not there anymore to paralyze my mind and undermine my efforts.

It was a poignant personal lesson to me how my internal dialogue had the power to cause intense emotional and physical suffering. It also showed me how reframing my words could free me to explore new possibilities.  

Shaping our thoughts to serve our wellbeing is not always easy. Sometimes it requires some inner inquiry.  Journaling seems to work for me. Sometimes reading a book, or a conversation with a friend will uncover some previously hidden insight.  Numerous teachers on Youtube offer helpful tools and tips.

During this COVID-19 experience it’s more important than ever, I think, to uplift one another. It’s easy to get pulled down into despair. Sharing our successes and inspiring words is one way we can connect and hold space for kindness and wellbeing.

Have you acquired some insight during these past few months that has served and inspired you to greater wellness – emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually?

I’d love to hear your stories and feedback on this topic. I’d also love to hear what books or teachers have propelled you on your journey to overcome the challenges in your life.

I invite you to leave a comment under this article. I’ll be checking in regularly and sharing more of the inspirational resources that have contributed to my wellbeing.

PS.

Hi everyone,
I’ve used many resources during this stressful COVID time in my efforts to be calm and stay in a frame of mind that allows me to move forward. Two online Youtube and Instagram resources jumped to the top of my list. One is Peter Crone, who calls himself the Mind Architect. His way of deconstructing problems and situations to relieve anxiety and internal suffering is brilliant in my estimation. The other resource is Kyle Cease, a standup comedian turned transformational coach. His work is highly accessible on the internet and what I benefited from his contributions is the practice of listening to my emotions, allowing them to surface and being willing to sit with them until they’ve been “seen”. This continual practice has defused so much pent-up stress and emotional baggage I didn’t realize I was carrying around from my past. It is revealing and healing.

Much love, Barbara

A response from one of our readers, Lillian Ireland:

Your article speaks to many of us who have had to drastically readjust our lives this year. Mega bows on your discovery of how to make things work through the enormous challenges of 2020.

In March, after hearing how many elderly folks were literally forced to stay indoors, I began purposely capturing outdoor photography to bring nature closer to them. With friends and family in New York, Italy and Peru as well as here in BC, including the North Shore, I felt a few nature photos along with encouraging poetry would lift their hearts. (It’s been documented that simply looking at nature photos has therapeutic value.)

Here are the links to my first writing back in March and the last one several weeks ago. The last one honours what several BC elders have accomplished against some mighty big odds these last few months.

www.suzukielders.org/grounded

www.suzukielders.org/stepping-beyond-uncertainty

Giving to others has been a joy and something which I don’t take lightly.
Covid has transformed all our lives and I’m grateful there are silver linings to be found amongst the tears, fears, grief and challenges.

With all of our musical wildlife education programs cancelled this year, giving to others this new way has had wonderful personal spinoffs as well.

Thanks again for your timely article and excellent magazine.