He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has. –Epictetus
The efforts to hang on to our younger selves, and the appearance and fitness and know-how that keep us ‘in the game’ imbue us with a youthfulness we can trumpet, but is there a point when ‘forever young’ feels more like ‘forever-in-denial’ rather than affirmation of our true selves?
Buying into the messages of the massive anti-aging industry (which has seen a boon due to demographics alone – the global population of people aged 60 years or over has almost tripled in 40 years, now numbering 962 million people) may prevent us from enjoying what has been called ‘the privilege of aging.’ That is, the privilege of recognizing ‘we made it this far, so let’s take time to slow down, unplug and smell the roses a little.’ So, give your fit-bits and diets a day off, don’t worry about the best deals for ski passes this year and the bike computer you’re having problems programming – it’s time to enjoy the fruits of your labour.
Several people have weighed in on the issue of whether extending our middle-age values and preoccupations may be missing the point. Psychologists such as Carl Jung and Erik Erikson, encourage us to embrace the passages of life and the unique experience each phase holds. A growing sense of our individuality (what Jung refers to as ‘individuation’) and philosophical sense of oneself (what Erikson calls ‘ego integrity’) allow us to carve autonomous paths to fulfillment.
Following curiosity, inquiring into important ideas, designing one’s own personal maps and manuals for living are all luxuries we can enjoy as we gradually free ourselves from goals and standards that no longer serve us. Mining the riches of our accumulated experiences for what they have to teach is what Zalmon Schachter-Shalomi, in From Aging to Sage-ing, reminds us is the gift and privilege of aging:
“For the benefit of who we are and what we may become, it’s good to take this time to harvest our lives, to bless all that we have lived through – the triumphs and the tragedies, the realized dreams and the bitter disappointments, the acts of love and the shock of betrayal – and to convert this rich experience into wisdom.”
While harvesting one’s life for the wisdom it can reveal may be one way to maximize this season of our lives, writer and septuagenarian Daniel Klein, in Travels with Epicurus – A Journey to a Greek Island in Search of a Fulfilled Life, chooses to explore other paths to meaning.
Concurring with ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus that the best possible life one can live is one filled with simple, quiescent pleasures, Klein realizes that it is the elemental things in life – the companionship of old friends, the sound of children playing, the silence of a walk to a hilltop monastery, the colour of cascading bougainvillea on stone walls, a convivial game of petanque, the bonds of tenderness and empathy that develop between people across cultures – that can remind us of the sheer power of mindfulness and gratitude. What had once seemed ordinary is now rich with meaning and poetry and the privilege of being.
Old age, he concludes, is the pinnacle of life; you have docked in the harbour and are tending to your true happiness, something which can be as simple as “a glass of wine, a roasted chestnut, the sound of the sea.” (Nikos Kazantzakis)
With a shifting towards the ‘radical’ realizing of who we are, and what riches we have been afforded by living, our new map ideally will include opportunities to share our gratitude and insight with our families, our communities, our nation, and our planet. One can think of no greater privilege of aging than to know the fruits you have harvested can nurture another. And I don’t think your grandson would mind reciprocating by programming your bike computer!
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