Swipe Left

My online dating days have come to an end… well, until the next Saturday night I’m home alone with a bag of Cheetos, a bottle of wine, leftover holiday chocolate and decide to sign up for the latest, new and improved dating site for the over-50 crowd.

After 30 months, 52 first dates, hundreds of messages, winks, flirts, favourites, pokes and likes, I am hanging up my online dating profile.

I did have some positive experiences along the way, but most of my matches were, as they say, “no cigar” – a lot of smoke and no flame.

Each potential match starts off fun. With a wink or a “like,” potential matches designate you as a “favourite” or send you an online emoji gift, and then you start to communicate online. In the beginning, there are lots of flirty messages, texts and even phone calls. You find all sorts of commonality and talk yourself into believing this person could be the “one.” You may even go out and buy a new bra in anticipation of something magical about to unfold.

Then you meet and, there it is, the big letdown. Wow, talk about fake news! Dating profiles abound with it.

For me, all the pre-meeting communication creates an expectation that ultimately, most often, leads to disappointment. I’m sure my dates felt the same way.

My good friend and online dating guru, Ken, always told me to “keep the initial communications to a minimum. Once you connect online, get out there and meet.” He’s right. The longer you delay having a face-to-face, the more time you have to build up false expectations. Then, you meet and wham, you and your expectations crash, leaving you wondering if you saved the tags so you can return the top you bought for your date.

Most, more than 75 per cent, of the men I met were not exactly what or who they said they were. Let me explain.

I met a 72-year-old man posing as a 52-year-old “active” male. We met for a lunch date. I got up to use the restroom and while I was gone, he fell asleep at the table. I must be a bore. I paid the bill, quietly woke him and put him in a cab.

One gentleman I went on a walking date with was looking for someone to go halfsies on a double-wide.

Another wanted a date he could introduce as his fiancée at his mother’s 80th birthday the following weekend.

On our first (and only) date, one guy toured me through three job sites he was working on. Perhaps he wanted to demonstrate he was good with tools?

A couple of men uttered those three little words no woman wants to hear on their first date (or ever) – “I’m still married.” To be clear, there were no second dates with these fellas.

One guy had obviously set up an “exit strategy” with a friend. As soon as he learned I was not going home with him, he received the “you’ve got an emergency” call – we were both relieved to bring that date to an end.

A few were still hurt by and angry at their exes and apparently needed to talk about it.

Many – despite what their profiles said – were not looking for a relationship, but rather seeking short-term hook-ups.

A couple fellas had done impressive investigative research on me. Especially the one that told me he had found out where I lived and liked what I had done with the garden and patio in my front yard. I have since moved. One even admitted to stalking me while I was hiking around a lake. Not cool!

Then there was the guy who punched the wall because I had a different political viewpoint than he did. TAXI!

One just drank a lot. Maybe he thought I’d get better looking after nine double scotches. When he tried to kiss me goodnight, I turned away, and he poked me in the eye with his keys (sure, all fun and games until someone loses an eye!).

And then, there was the man I thought was, well, an excellent match. I felt a spark with him immediately. I thought we were like minded; he had not lied about anything (that I knew of); he was attractive, and I loved his presence. From my perspective, there were a lot of positives, but I guess the feeling wasn’t mutual.

I connected with several really nice, attractive, decent people, but when we met face-to-face, the chemistry just wasn’t there. And, that’s where online dating fails (for me). Without the body language and other important social cues, I could not get a true sense of who these people were through pictures, texts or even phone calls. I need to look into somebody’s eyes, into their soul, touch their hand and, most importantly, I need to feel something when I first meet someone.

A few confessed they had not written their own profiles. They had their mother, sister or a friend help write them AND had them craft responses during our online communications. I fall in love with words. So, for me, using a “Cyrano de Bergerac” approach is disappointing.

I’ve come to believe online dating services may not want us to find love. If we did, they’d be out of business. They rely on our desire to find “the one” to keep us signed up and scrolling. Many of these companies are subsidiaries of other dating sites and hook you with the idea their “new” site is unique or will offer you only “elite” (yes, I joined that one too) prospects. But, once I got on a new site, I was met by mostly all the same people, who, like me, jumped from site to site.

To be fair, I know people that have met the loves of their lives online. These success stories are the inspiration for the rest of us to dive into the online dating world.

I also have male friends that had similar experiences with less-than-honest dates. So, men are not the only ones that post outdated photos and fabricated profiles. Women do it too.

I am grateful I grew up in a time when we had the opportunity to experience dating the old-fashioned way. A time when my heart raced, my hands sweated, and butterflies went rogue in my stomach when I saw my crush for the first time. These responses to human connection are absent when we first make contact online. While the online environment exposes us to thousands of potential matches, it’s not the same. Not for me.

I’m not giving up on love. But, if it happens for me, it will have to be in real life. Or, I’ll get another dog, maybe add a cat to the mix, baby goats are popular pets right now.

Regardless, I will not die with my love still in me. I plan to leave it all out on the field. Right now, I’m just going to love all the beautiful, amazing people already in my life.

For those still in the online dating game, good luck, I hope you find the one that will ignite your heart and soul and fill your life with love, laughter and precious memories. It could happen. In fact, it has.

3,955 views