“You must be Canadian,” I often comment laughingly when someone apologizes for what doesn’t seem to need an apology. As Canadians, we have a chronic need to apologize “all the time.” Due to the number of times I have playfully said this lately, some people have gotten upset with me. “Of course, I’m Canadian, can’t you tell from my accent?” Or simply a look that says “What?” Most of the time, however, my comment in jest will get either laughter or another “sorry.”
So, I decided to do some research into this phenomenon. Our custom of apologizing more than average has yielded some beneficial results.
We are known as one of the friendliest countries in the world. But not the friendliest – we come in at No. 10, which is pretty good out of 195. Portugal is No. 1.
Also, apologizing is disarming and minimizes conflict. It indicates to the person you may have unintentionally crossed that you are not a threat. For others, it’s simply habit, but I can think of worse habits. If you know of other benefits, please share them.
As I speak to people – in the grocery store, in restaurants, wherever I happen to be day to day – the subject comes up and everyone has a tale to tell.
A fellow called me on it when I light-heartedly commented on his apology for reaching in front of me in the produce section to get some raspberries. I told him he was going to be part of a column I was writing. I’m not sure he believed me.
Then I unnecessarily apologized to my friendly cashier and commented on my own “Canadian-ness.” Her response, “In our house, we apologize for apologizing.” She proceeded to share several incidences that had us both laughing. A good way to leave the grocery store.
Here are some apologies I happened upon during my research. Are you guilty of these?
Someone bumps into you in the street or at an event, but you say sorry.
When querying a stranger: Instead of “Excuse me,” out comes, “Sorry, do you have a moment?”
When asking for directions: “Sorry, can you tell me how to get to….”
I even did it in French when I was travelling through France. My daughter taught me how to say – Je suis désolé, je ne parle pas français – I am sorry, I do not speak French. Often, I would only get through the first part of the statement, and locals would respond to me very politely.
So even when we travel, people know we are Canadian. It’s okay, keep being polite, keep being friendly. You wear it well!
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Pat Nichol is a speaker and published author. Connect with her at mpatnichol@gmail.com.