In an episode from a famous sitcom of the ’90s, two characters discussed the whys and whens of “pulling the plug.” It’s funny, but if I’m writing about it now, then surely, I must have at least given a thoughtful “hmm” as the gag played out. “Pulling the plug” is an obvious euphemism for a grave situation. Surely it is a discussion to be had. But, hang on; we’re not there yet.
Let’s talk about “jumping ship,” my own euphemism for that time when a decision about where, as a senior couple, you are going to live, and if you plan to “jump ship.” By the way, in case you haven’t gotten your sea legs yet, matey, the ship is your home. Mulling over senior housing decisions inevitably brings about thoughts of one of life’s two inescapable realities (not taxes), and that’s not a whole lot of fun. But even if you’re not sailing in a leaky boat on choppy waters, there are reasons to consider your options. Besides, an “I’m going down with the ship” outlook seldom ends well.
Debbie Clarke is the Marketing Manager at Verve Senior Living. As the name suggests, these retirement residences focus on activity, inspiration and fulfillment. Clarke agrees that preparing for and making the move early comes with many advantages.
“I like to focus on the benefits of still being active enough to enjoy your freed-up time (no longer having to care for the home, yard, groceries and meal prep),” she says. “We do have a few [residents] that moved in while considered young and completely independent; their reasoning was for the enjoyment of continuing their hobbies/crafts or focusing on teaching their expertise at the local community centre. Others still like to travel three to six months of the year, and all they have to do is lock the door and be carefree knowing all is safe.”
Jeff Nahnybida is Community Sales Director at The Victorian at Mckenzie, an Atria Retirement residence. He agrees that the positive spin is not just a spin.
“The key is to get families in the door, and this is where I show them that we are a fun place to be and, on top of that, we look after the daily burden of cooking their meals and housekeeping. I like to say we are almost like a university residence for seniors.”
Perhaps not a kegger every night, but more leisure time isn’t the only reason to move to a retirement residence. All too often, when a spouse dies, one is left fending for themselves. Fending, floating or even flailing is far from flourishing. Sure, preparing for an ocean cruise is easy under blue skies on still waters. We can all sail smoothly in those conditions. But life’s nautical disasters can sometimes leave us feeling stranded at sea. And it’s a long, lonely journey back to shore. Preparation for the predictable (it’s going to happen) and the unpredictable (when) is your best partner.
“One other thing I have noticed when a couple moves here and, later, one of the spouses pass away, the [survivor’s] transition is so much easier, their support system is in place and they do not have to make major decisions or changes in their time of grief. Many get more involved socially and end up making more friends and are more active than before,” says Clarke.
We no longer stay up all night partying. We take extra care on icy surfaces. In short, we realize we aren’t bulletproof – never were. So, why the reticence when it comes to a shift in accommodation? Maybe it’s good, old human pride that gets in the way.
“Far too often potential residents and seniors looking at options feel they are not ready when they take that initial tour of a community. In fact, they are, or they would not be asking the question,” says Nahnybida.
Clarke agrees, “Many do wait too long, turn down multiple suites and eventually are unable to make the move and end up in full care. Often the services provided here appear to prolong individuals’ health and longevity (healthy meals, social opportunities, peace of mind with less stress).”
Perhaps this all really comes down to perspective, one’s mindset vis-à-vis leaving the family home for a retirement residence. Some consider the change a defeat, a giving up of one’s way of life or letting go of hard-fought-for independence. Others can embrace the move as a positive modification, another step in their personal evolution. Leaky or not, it’s not about the boat. It’s about the sea.
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