If you had a choice of how you lived with a partner, what would it be?
For previous generations, there was a choice. In the 19th century, husbands and wives often had their own bedrooms. This option is still a possibility; some for a matter of comfort, others so they don’t murder each other before dawn. If you have ever had a partner who flailed wildly while dreaming or sounded like a 747 getting ready for take off, this may be a viable option.
Another increasingly prevalent possibility, especially among people who have been on their own for a while and are comfortable with their own space, is the concept of LAT Living Apart Together.
Let’s say, for example, we meet, date and decide a committed relationship is something we both want. Where do we live? My apartment is just fine for one, but not for two. I really don’t want to give up the possessions that bring me joy. How about you? Wait a minute… I am not about to give up my special chair and my bed is mine, mine, mine. Plus, your building does not allow pets.
Do we give up on our relationship? No! Why not try something that has had favour in Europe for several decades and has been gaining popularity in Canada for the past five to 10 years? We each keep our space and, several evenings a week, we have a meal together, we run away on weekends or travel to places we both wish to see.
Benefits: we get to deal with habits on a part-time basis; the relationship stays fresh and is more exciting; we have less to argue about; and we both get to maintain the sense of self we’ve nurtured over the years.
Sharon Hyman, who has been studying this concept since 2015, is creating a documentary on the subject. If you want to know more about the concept and how other people approach it, visit Sharon’s website for some great information, Apart*ners: Living Happily Ever Apart, http://apartnersthemovie.com
Let me know what you think of the idea. Are you already doing it? Is it something you would like to try?
Together or apart, I hope your days are joyous.
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Pat Nichol is a speaker and published author. Connect with her at mpatnichol@gmail.com.
This is my ideal way of having a successful relationship. I know several middle-aged couples who have adopted it and one elderly couple. Bring it on, I say!! Now all I need is to find the ideal male who agreed with me. Then I’d be all set.