When the opportunity to go sailing came along soon after retirement, I grabbed it. Preparing myself and the boat for wandering the seas would give me something to work towards. I had found the feelings that arose before and during retirement stunningly confusing. On the one hand, excitement reigned, while on the other, disquiet seeped in and eventually an empty feeling enveloped me.
My husband, Jürgen, and I bought Mazu, a Tayana 37 sailboat. We approached operating Mazu as equal partners, developing our cruising skills in parallel, alternating religiously being at the helm, dropping or weighing the anchor, navigating, and much more. Yet the journeys made on the boat were nothing compared to the journey within. While unacknowledged skills and strengths were revealed, I discovered that living a life with purpose is so much more than having something to do.
Neuroscientist Daniel Levitin claims that learning a new skill, especially one that scares you, helps your brain age well. If that is true, then learning to operate Mazu has done wonders for my future self. Fear and anxiety have no bounds when it comes to learning to sail big boats. I imagined my fingers being ripped off and flying into the air when I dropped our 25kg anchor into the water. Being an equal partner required pushing through my anxiety and learning to do things I never thought I could. That anchor? I practiced dropping it in two metres of water, in the marina, until confident that neither I nor the boat would be damaged. Nope, anxiety is not comfortable; however, when I confronted my anxiety, learning happened. No wonder it’s good for our brains!
Beyond boat skills, I was learning about myself. Riding five-metre swells offshore was disconcerting, to be sure, yet it brought out a calmness and clarity of thinking I did not expect. Being on watch every three hours and sleeping little over two hours at a time drew out previously untapped resilience. Still, despite all the learning and discovery, at times I was lonely, bored, and missing my family. The emptiness I thought sailing would fill remained. After four years living aboard Mazu, we moved on from the sailing adventure.
Once established on land, I asked myself, “What is important to me?” Turns out learning and growing are high on my values list. I thrived during the intense learning phase of boat ownership. Contributing to something beyond myself is also up there in my values, and I was not able to live that value moving from anchorage to marina to anchorage.
Psychologist Sara Yogev points out that in retirement we can be challenged to find the “balance between the pressure to conform to values of one’s community and one’s authenticity.” I had done everything to embrace all that was required to become a competent cruiser, however, the values required to sail away were not consistent with an authentic me. Not living in alignment with my values contributed to my empty feeling.
Maybe if I was dialled into my values earlier, I could have done what Designing Your Life authors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans recommend:
“If you can see the connections between who you are, what you believe, and what you are doing, you will know when you are on course, when there is tension, when there might need to be some careful compromises, and when you are in need of a major course correction.”
Was the sailing adventure the wrong course? I don’t think so. Previously unacknowledged skills and strengths became apparent while aboard. Although writing had been a big part of my professional life, it was on the boat that the nature of my writing changed course. I wrote about the journey within, which resonated for me and readers.
The singular focus of boat life intensified some of the challenges experienced in retirement – too much togetherness and a lack of diverse activities to engage the mind or meet social needs. Back on land, I capitalized on my curiosity about those challenges and changed course from executive to retirement coaching. My excitement about what I learned during certification was palpable, and I was encouraged to not limit myself to blog posts, and to get out in front of people.
Like writing, speaking before an audience had been a component of my professional work. Now I set up speaking engagements to assess whether this was a skill to further build into my future. Indeed, an audience that provides real-time reactions gives life to my writing and grows my thinking.
How did this self-discovery address that empty feeling?
By surfacing and repurposing some of my skills and strengths, I looked at what I’ve been given, what was in my hand. Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose-Driven Life, suggests,
“You’re wired to do certain things… These things shape you. And if you want to know what you ought to be doing with your life, you need to look at your shape… look at what’s in your hand… and say, “It’s not about me. It’s about making the world a better place.”
Knowing my shape means I have a better sense of what I can and want to contribute to this world. Psychologist James Hollis reminds us that when we are doing what is right for us, we will feel a sense of purpose, meaning, and satisfaction. And those feelings have replaced the emptiness within me.
From figuratively lost at sea to creating a life with purpose, what a journey! Trying out a life path – our sailing adventure – was a valuable way to gather information about myself and discover a new starting point for what will be, I am sure, a constantly evolving life course. Indeed, “not all who wander are lost.”
Stefa Katamay lives in Victoria, BC with her husband Jürgen Harding. She is an active member of the Victoria Grandmothers for Africa’s cycling community.
“Cycling with other women over the age of 55 while raising money for the Stephen Lewis Foundation Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign is a way of cycling with purpose.”
Mazu is docked in Victoria, where it now provides a retreat from city living. To learn more about Stefa’s transition and retirement consulting practice visit nextinlife.ca where you can also sign up for her free subscription newsletter, which explores life in retirement. Stefa has two adult daughters who live on the Mainland.
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Stefa Katamay helps people explore and plan what they will do with their retirement. You can reach Stefa at stefa@nextinlife.ca
This is so empowering, and insightful. Thank you for sharing not only your sailing journey, but a glimpse into your personal life journey as well. More life, love and light.