This article was written by FCBC guest columnist Jeanne Sedun.
Finding out someone you love has been diagnosed with a terminal illness can be overwhelming. How do you support a loved one through their end-of-life journey? Here are some practical strategies to help you navigate this difficult, but natural, part of life.
Take a moment to reflect on what you’re feeling. Coming to terms with the fact that someone you love has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness is a lot to process. One of the common reactions to events like this is anticipatory grief – intense sorrow knowing death is imminent. Caregivers can feel a range of emotions, including:
shock and numbness;- anxiety and fear about death, pain and suffering, and what life will be like without them;
- anger and sadness about why this is happening;
- denial and an unwillingness to believe the diagnosis is accurate;
- an inability to cope with daily activities, and a feeling of being overwhelmed; and
- despair and hopelessness.
A terminal illness has an emotional and a physical impact on family and friends, as well. Understanding and acknowledging your feelings is a critical part of caring for your loved one. Allowing others to help you in ways that are meaningful for you is also important, since taking care of yourself will help you be able to support and care for your loved one.
Practical Considerations for the Time that Remains
It may seem insensitive to consider the practical parts of dying. Working with your loved one to locate and organize important documents and information in the time that remains can make it easier for friends and family to carry out their wishes after they’re gone. Arranging the affairs of your loved one can be less stressful if you can talk with them about relevant documents such as:
- A master contact list of friends, family and key advisors;
- Financial information including bank accounts and investments;
- Final wishes and advance directives such as a living will; and
- Pre-planning for arrangements after death.
Many decisions need to be made after someone dies. Some of the immediate steps include caring for their body, arranging for a funeral or celebration of life, writing an obituary and carrying out their wishes for the distribution of their money, property and belongings. Working through the arrangements after death can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Grieving is a highly personal process that can take months for some, and years for others. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family or counsellors to help you in your journey through grief.
Jeanne Sedun draws on her training as a teacher, Protestant minister and government executive to create a roadmap for navigating the end-of-life journey. She is the author of Someone I Love is Dying.
Are you caring for a loved one with a terminal illness? Feeling overwhelmed? Uncertain what to do next?
Join our webinar on February 21, 2019 with Jeanne Sedun. This learning event will help you think through the practical things that need to be done as you support your loved one on their end-of-life journey.
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Wendy Johnstone is a Gerontologist and a consultant with Family Caregivers of British Columbia in Victoria, BC.