Marjorie Horne poses before the “Spirit of Sail,” but by the time this sculpture was erected in 1978, the waterfront in downtown Kelowna was old-hat to Marjorie. Her family moved to the valley community when she was four years old and, other than venturing out after high-school graduation until into her late 20s, Kelowna is home and where her caregiving revolves around enriching the lives of seniors.
“Life is a building of layers, layers that define and redefine who we are, an evolution of learning,” says Marjorie.
She considers her family dynamics in her formative years as gifts. Her dad was a golf pro who developed an 18-hole course in Kelowna and, many times, Marjorie worked in his Pro Shop. “Dad was a hard worker, a man of integrity and he instilled strong principles and work ethic in me,” she says.
“I was always in awe of my highly intelligent and creative mom. She was way ahead of her time in the novel ways she imparted knowledge,” Marjorie continues.
Saturday mornings are a fond memory, wherein she and her three sisters would each take a volume from their Book of Knowledge Encyclopedia set and walk back and forth balancing them on their heads. I notice Marjorie still has perfect posture.
“Then we’d sit around and study something from our book and present our topic; our reward,” she smiles, “was 10 cents each to run down to the corner store and buy a bag of candy… a very big bag, back in the day.”
Marjorie feels she has always possessed a high sensitivity to others feelings and a strong mothering instinct. Her mom experienced extreme emotional highs and lows, and during times of depression, it was second nature for Marjorie (the second eldest) to support her mom as best she could and care for her younger siblings.
Volunteering at a nursing home at age 15 and then as a care-aide through high school, her affinity for seniors flourished. She loved their stories and wisdom, and saw sadness when families failed to visit. Marjorie often went to management with ideas for improving methods of care (to which the response was “this is the way we do things”), which added resolve to her rebel spirit to someday make a difference.
Another layer of Marjorie’s life was becoming an RN in obstetrics, the opposite end of the human-life continuum. As a nurse in Vancouver, she taught new techniques, such as Lamaze breathing, and was actively involved in husbands being allowed in the delivery room.
Getting married and having two sons were highlights during this time. When her boys were still young, the family made Kelowna their home. Once again, she focused her nursing capabilities on those in later life, valuing holistic models of working with seniors.
When her youngest son was in kindergarten, Marjorie decided to step out of nursing and spread her career wings as an account executive in an advertising agency, where she had a chance to develop sales skills. A few years later, she relished being a sales rep for a national pharmaceutical company and was privy to top sales training, which totally brought her out of her element.
“I’m really an introvert,” says Marjorie. “Cold calls were the worst. I often had to convince myself… ‘You can do this!’” Her successes led to gaining confidence in this field.
When, in 1991, Marjorie’s dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she left her employment to care for him for nine months, until his passing. The practicality of care, overwhelming emotions of sadness and helplessness of watching her 6-foot 2-inch dynamic dad in pain and wasting away to 90lbs took their toll. One night, in a state of exhaustion, she uncannily found herself in a spiritual experience “engulfed in a vibration of love and a voice saying, ‘your dad is with us now… you can let go.’” Marjorie rushed to the hospital where her dad lay in a coma, telling him “you can go now and everything will be okay.” He fleetingly opened his eyes and smiled. Later, with all the family gathered, sunshine streaming through the window, her dad’s favourite Mills Brothers tune playing – his soul moved on.
It proved to be a pivotal point for Marjorie; changing her life completely. She had a need to meditate, and she began to write. The words flowed – about the universe, poetry, filling five journals. She had no idea where these thoughts came from, yet they led her to books on new age philosophies, and finally delving into their practice.
“My life lesson during this time was learning to set boundaries and discern which ideas and personal involvements fit my own values,” says Marjorie.
She became a breath-work practitioner, facilitated emotional healing groups and took over a wellness centre. A growing distance between Marjorie and her husband ended in an amicable divorce. They remain friends.
At this point, she decided to take a year off to evaluate where and how to incorporate her love of aiding seniors through the transitions of later life with her keenness for sales. Becoming the services and marketing manager in a large retirement community fit the bill. As well as constantly learning, she was in a position to promote ideas and implement improved methods to “make a difference.” She stayed with the establishment for 10 years.
Marjorie was intuitively nudged to move on from the retirement community. Her thoughts centered on aging needs and reviews of different services, yet none provided all the answers. With the support of her second husband, Dave, she delved in to months of extensive research into “the global community paradigm shift in how we view aging, with respect for choices and empowerment to go through this transition that none of us can escape,” says Marjorie. She remarks on statistics that show 90 per cent of seniors want to stay in their homes as long as possible, and with a doubling of those over 65 by 2021, there will be a shortage of facilities. Although care homes are a good choice for some, “our” generation have their own ideas of how their elder years will be spent.
Marjorie resolutely set about learning how to start a business through the Community Futures Entrepreneur Program – culminating in the opening of CareSmart Seniors Consulting in October 2012. Bringing to the table her life’s experience in many areas of elder care, her service is designed to aide seniors and their adult children to come to the best choices for each situation, including such things as remote monitoring technology for greater peace of mind for both the family and the aging parent who opts to stay in their home.
Over the previous decade, Marjorie and her sister, Jean, who also has a nursing background and lives in Kelowna, respecting their aging mom’s wish to stay in her home, had worked out a system for visits and being on-call for emergencies. With her mom’s cancer diagnosis and three separate fractures in six years (one at age 85 while doing her Avon deliveries), making another arrangement was paramount.
“Mom was 91 when I took her into my home to care for her during the latter part of 2013 and most of 2014 – the last year of her life.” This proved to be another mega-turning-point in Marjorie’s life. “A time filled with deep emotional reaches… like diving into a well to the core of my heart, a sharing of mutual love, and realizing how much I was like my Mom.”
As her mom became increasingly frail and lost her eyesight, the time struggle with other family matters and her commitment to her business led Marjorie, a born warrier, to overcome the mental hurdle of relinquishing more of her mother’s care to others, and “trusting” this letting go would be alright. Another cathartic release was writing a column in the Kelowna Capital News candidly sharing her heartfelt journey with others going through the same experience.
Marjorie’s CareSmart service is currently being expanded and her search continues for positive concepts in the process of aging. “Creative Aging” is a powerful new social and cultural movement she has been involved in, which, together with seeking to understand her own aging process, has brought about her exciting launch of “Graceful Aging,” providing wellness coaching and conscious eldering workshops. Geared to Baby Boomers, the premise is “to start graceful aging at our age, not waiting until in our 80s or 90s, to be aware and embrace the stages, including someday needing to be cared for by others.”
At 64, Marjorie’s life layers of fulfilling her caregiver calling with passion, compassion, commitment, and tireless learning shines through, affording a strong voice on behalf of seniors in her community and beyond.
For information on Marjorie Horne and CareSmart Seniors Consulting, visit www.caresmart.ca
1,561 views