Remember what it was like being newly married and setting up your first home, excited and eager to begin building a lifetime of precious memories?
The thought of growing old seemed so far away. But time is fleeting, and without realizing how quickly it truly passes, we live our lives by counting milestones: school, birthdays, graduation, careers, promotions, travel, marriages, children, grandchildren and then finally, eventually, retirement.
It is in retirement that we truly begin to see how much we have acquired materially throughout the course of a lifetime. That vase bought in Venice on your honeymoon. The lavender sachets still in the drawer that came from Provence. The pottery collection from every trip to Mexico. The large plastic bins stacked in the basement containing finger paintings and first drawings from your middle-aged children’s early school days. Each memory precious, and each memory taking up space in the house until the day eventually arrives when living in a home with so much stuff becomes untenable. The mere idea of where to begin decluttering a lifetime of accumulated memories is simply too intimidating for many.
Judy Borsato is one of those people.
Divorced, with two adult children living on their own with their significant others, Judy made the difficult decision to sell the marital home and downsize to a condo. She hasn’t found her new home yet, but in the meantime, her house has sold, and she has been forced to quickly decide what she will move, and what she will let go of. The decision to sell was easy; what to do with her beloved possessions, however, has been anything but.
“I’ve lived in my home for 20 years,” she says. “The thought of going through all of this stuff was hugely daunting. I just didn’t know where to start. I walked into my basement to see all this stuff in there; it was too much. Then I walked into the garage to see everything in there. I looked in my closet to see where I could eliminate things and thought ‘oh no, I’m not ready to part with this or that yet.’”
Judy decided to try a to-do list, prioritizing everything that needed to be accomplished right up to moving out day. When that turned out to be too overwhelming, she tried another tactic.
She’d pick up an item and ask herself is it meaningful, is it beautiful, does it serve a purpose? That approached seemed to work.
“I’d go through the kitchen asking myself these questions, and then it got easier to say ‘okay, I don’t need this,’” she says.
As her pile of things to get rid of grew, she asked her kids if there was anything they wanted. Whatever they didn’t take, she gave to charity or recycled. Gradually, that scary pile of “stuff” in every room grew smaller and smaller until she was left with the essentials she would take to her next home.
“I realized that just because something had sentimental value didn’t mean I should keep it. Some things will just be memories, and that’s okay. It was my past and now I’m ready to move on.”
Judy’s realization – and how she reached it – is not something that comes easy to many others facing similar circumstances.
To help people make the decision to declutter or downsize – and guide them through the feelings of being overwhelmed and daunted – are professionals who are in the process with their clients from beginning to end.
Anne Delaney, from Delaney Relocation Services, is a certified Senior Move Manager who has been in the business of helping seniors for the past 16 years. In that time, she has seen demand for her services grow significantly.
“Many are waiting longer to make that later-life move to a senior residence,” she says. “Many seniors will make a decision to downsize and move when a health issue comes up.”
Delaney says the average age of someone deciding to make a move is between 87 and 95. “People are living longer, and they want to stay in their own home as long as they can.”
Delaney Relocation Services, like other downsizing companies, will come and do an in-home assessment to see if the decision to move is right for the client.
“As a certified Senior Move manager, I can help the client look at the options available based on health needs and what will work for them. If they can move around the home safely, feel safe and take care of their basic needs then maybe a move is not that urgent for them. We can look at making the home a safe place for them to get around and set up home care if that is needed.”
If the decision to move to a smaller home or a senior residence is the way to go, Delaney will help with everything in that area as well.
“We can help the client and the family look at the different facilities and help them see what is offered in the way of services that will meet their needs now and in the future. Where do they want to live, do they want to be close to family?”
Whether it’s moving to a senior residence, or to a smaller home like a condo, Delaney acknowledges that every move is a difficult one and can take its toll on a client.
“The process of downsizing is always hard for most people when they have lived in a family home for 40/50 years; we spend a lot of time walking people through this process. We work very closely with all family members,” she says.
Elinor Warkentin, of Goodbye Clutter, is another professional who helps seniors with the task of decluttering their home, either for downsizing purposes, or because the lifetime of accumulations has simply become too much.
“Generally, seniors call me when they have decided it’s time to downsize for a home sale and move,” she explains. “But some call me when they reach ‘overwhelm’ and can’t take it anymore. For others, not wanting to leave their ‘mess’ for their children is the motivation.”
Warkentin says her clients know they need to make changes, but have no idea where to begin. “‘I don’t know where to start’ is a common phrase I hear,” she says.
She’ll arrive at a client’s home, do an assessment, but at the same time, reassure them that they are the ones in the driver’s seat. She can ask the questions whether the client wants to keep an item or not, but ultimately it is their choice. “The more hemmed in they feel, the harder the situation is,” she acknowledges.
“Swedish Death Decluttering” is a new trend catching on in Europe and is slowly making its way to North America. In its basic form, the idea behind the philosophy is to mindfully clean out the home of possessions before death, so it saves other people the hassle of doing it once someone has passed on. It’s deeper meaning though is to get rid of “things” that no longer serve a purpose, and in decluttering the home, there is simultaneously a decluttering of mind and spirit.
“The Swedes do it when they retire,” says Warkentin. “The idea is that in retirement, you prepare for the next thing, you prepare for a different kind of life. It’s just not calming, not relaxing, when your floors and tables are covered with things.”
Having said that, she acknowledges too that sometimes letting things go can be a difficult process and therefore it is never a good idea to force an issue with the client. However, she does try to make the client understand that there is value in the land and in the home – but not in the contents of the home. It is a delicate process to get people to part with material accumulations they have grown to love over time.
Her first session with a client usually lasts three hours, in which she tries to determine the goals and the motivations of her clients and then she explains to them the process of going through decluttering.
“As we go on, it gets faster and easier,” she says. “By the end of it, people have a real sense of accomplishment.”
The most difficult part of decluttering has already been addressed by the time the client makes a call to her, says Warkentin.
“It’s a tough decision to decide that decluttering and downsizing needs to happen, so that greatest difficulty is already addressed before the client has even called me. Calling and talking is hard.”
Warkentin enjoys her work and the satisfaction it brings her clients at the end of the process.
“I love my work. Clients are happier, less stressed, they feel lighter, relieved,” she says. “What started as daunting has ended in smiles and hugs.”
If you think you need to start decluttering your home, there is help – and hope. Not everyone manages to do it on their own, as Judy Borsato did. She knows first hand just how hard it is to wade through a lifetime of memories. In the end though, she’s so glad she did.
“It’s very freeing to declutter. It’s less important to keep stuff. This feeling of freedom is fantastic, and something I want,” she says.
The Swedes are definitely on to something.
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