For those of us in our 70s and beyond, it seems like just yesterday we were 50! If time travel or other scientific marvels would allow us to send a message back to our 50-year-old selves, what would that message be? What have we learned in the last 20 or so years we wish we had learned earlier? I reached out to several people whose judgment I value, and here is what they say.
Educator Cynthia Prasow says, “I would remind myself to play, which is not childish in the least!” Paraphrasing from Stuart Brown’s book Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Cynthia adds, “Play is the lubricant that enables us to work and be close to each other. Without it, it would be hard to live together.”
Paul C., a successful businessperson, says at 50 he “was focused on goal-setting and achievement.” He was clearly successful in that regard, but if he could go back, he says he would tell his 50-year-old self “to balance goal setting and achievement with community engagement and making time for meaningful friendships.”
Making sure we make time for the people in our lives, especially family, was one of the common themes. A retired librarian says she would implore her 50-year-old self to “make more memories with family and friends. After all, there is always the chance some of them won’t be here in 10 or 15 years.”
Many say they wished they hadn’t worried so much. Beverly Rossoff, a bone-marrow transplant survivor, who for decades worked with special needs children, says she would tell her 50-year-old self, “no matter how bad things are, don’t worry. Life will happen for better or worse. Just remain strong and be positive – things will work out.” Quoting writer Erma Bombeck, Beverly says, “Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but never gets you anywhere.”
Lesley Larscheid says when she was in her 50s, she didn’t worry about health issues, but now, “even though I know worrying doesn’t help, I do worry about health issues, especially Tom’s [her husband].”
Knowing Lesley, I expect she used the word “worry” instead of “concern” because as the author Harold Stephens noted, “there is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem; a concerned person solves a problem.” Lesley says she and Tom, both avid golfers, follow the advice of the legendary golfer Walter Hagen, “you’re only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.”
Several years before his retirement from the practice of law, Tim Sehmer was keenly aware of the importance of planning for the future. He recognized the need for activities to replace the many long days spent at the office. For Tim, a lifelong sailor, that included purchasing several years before he retired a “new” sailboat (new for him, but actually 35 years old), which allowed him to set sail for Alaska shortly after retiring. Tim appreciated the importance of planning with his wife activities they could enjoy together following his retirement. He also recognized the need to replace work with other avenues of social interaction – these will be different for each of us, but for Tim they included bridge and getting involved in discussion groups.
Leonard Shane, a retired teacher, would urge his 50-year-old self to “not be too hard on himself.” He adds, “don’t put others or yourself down. Instead, be encouraging, say positive, uplifting things to yourself and others. If you do, the end results will surprise you.” Another retired teacher, David Ellis, says he would encourage 50-year-olds, “to walk away from people who don’t value you because they don’t know your worth, but you do.”
Frosty Wooldridge, the 74-year-old cyclist/adventurer, says he would give his 50-year-old self the same message he gave his 20-year-old self, because that is when he “roared into each day with a sense of excitement, whether it was to climb a mountain, bicycle 100 miles or canoe into the sunset,” all of which he says gave him great joy. Frosty adds, “cherish each moment because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.”
A few offered practical advice. One retiree says she would tell her 50-year-old self, “retirement isn’t too far away, so start preparing! Think about how you will finance the (hopefully) 30 to 40 good years following retirement. Robertson Tait, the romantic/comedy novelist of Scot Free in Hollywood put it even more succinctly: “Buy Amazon stock!”
Investment portfolio manager A. Dattani advises, “retirement isn’t about playing golf every day. It’s having a number of interests, to be engaged in life, to cultivate and explore different things to enjoy, and to stay active both physically and mentally.” Finding what those interesting activities are or taking those art, dance or acting classes you wish you had taken 30 years ago is as important as any other life-changing decision one can make because those choices could affect the rest of your life.
As someone in his 75th year, I can attest to the fact that life moves at an amazing speed, and as we age, it seems to move even faster. However, at whatever age, we can always learn from others.
The clarion call of Mary Ann Evans (George Eliot), “It is never too late to be what you might have been” is as true today as it was when she said it. Today, we may not have a 50-year-old self with whom to share these thoughts, but I expect there are family members, friends and acquaintances in their 50s with whom we can. And let us not forget, as long as we’re still breathing, we can make the most of this life!
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