Compassion For Self

Last November, I spent four days on Bowen Island with 60 other people learning about and sharing compassion. Compassion for self, for others, for nature. I have already written about nature, so I thought it was time I shared how to be compassionate to ourselves. Our lessons are all around us.

Recently, I shared the ideas about Compassion for Self with a group of people in Victoria. We discovered that we are well versed in being compassionate to others; we are not the same to ourselves.

If you follow my columns, you will know that in December, I became a cliché, falling and breaking my right hip. I am fortunate, I healed well, and my surgeon does not need to see me anymore. I walk with a classy cane and I move quite easily – but slowly.

The huge lesson for me was this: “I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe going. I will be easy on myself.” The other lesson I am learning is that asking for help is not a weakness. This is very difficult for someone who has always been independent. Someone who is always wanting to help others.

I recommend you do not go as far in seeking your lessons for self compassion as I did. Begin now. Treat yourself as if you were your own best friend. We do not expect perfection in our friends, why do we expect it in ourselves? Time to accept our less-than-perfect selves.

Think about this for a moment. What do you say when you talk to yourself? Would you talk to friends and strangers the way you talk to you? If you did, would you have any friends, and would strangers want to speak to you? Probably not.

Here are four ways to be compassionate to yourself:
1) Listen carefully to what you say to yourself;
2) Approach yourself in a non-judgmental way;
3) Be willing to receive from others;
4) Be willing to forgive yourself.

What have I learned that has enabled me to be more compassionate to myself? I have learned to: take a nap; be mindful; allow myself to be pampered (i.e. pedicures, often); and curl up with a good book in the middle of the day.

So be kind to yourself, in words and in deeds. Find something that brings you joy and indulge in it. Be compassionate to yourself.

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