“Caregiving leaves its mark on us. No matter what we do to prepare ourselves, the hole left behind looms large.” ~ Dale L. Baker, author
Herb Bryce knows about holes. He lived down one for a portion of the time he cared for his wife, Ann, who lived with Alzheimer’s Disease. It took one poem, which he aptly named “She’s Lost” to help him find his way to climb up and out.
Herb cared for his wife for over 10 years. He wanted to care for Ann at home, but the progression of the disease took its toll on him. He admits he was in denial, at first, even when “things started to melt down, including the pots and pans.” As Ann became more ill, she wouldn’t leave his side. Even when Herb enlisted the help of home support, Ann simply wanted him all the time. He felt trapped and couldn’t escape. Neither he nor his wife was coping well; Herb was exhausted. This was followed by the inevitable and traumatic decision to move Ann into complex care in 2012. Herb continued to care for his wife for the next four years. Ann died in February 2016.
Writing poetry was Herb’s escape and path to acceptance. He found a home and a sense of belonging in poetry and among other poets. It was also his saving grace from depression. Herb also credits the family caregiver groups he attended. He describes the support group as his haven; giving him strength to continue caring for his wife and recovering from his depression. Sharing his poetry with his peers created an openness to talk about the ups and downs of caring for someone with Alzheimer’s Disease.
His recently published book, Chasing a Butterfly: A journey in poems of love and loss to acceptance, provides readers with two perspectives of the disease. Through his beautifully crafted words with a touch of humour, Herb shares his experience as a husband and caregiver and does equal justice by writing from his wife’s viewpoint of living with dementia.
Herb Bryce was a journalist, weekly newspaper editor, a copy editor at The Hamilton Spectator , and in England and BC, a book editor. His poetry is in anthologies in Canada, the US, and India. He was a judge at the 2017 Rabindranath Tagore Award, English Poetry Competition, India.
Herb’s book is available online at Friesen Press at http://bit.do/ekLM9 or Amazon at http://bit.do/ekLN9. You can read more of Herb’s poetry on his blog: hwbrycewrites.com
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Wendy Johnstone is a Gerontologist and a consultant with Family Caregivers of British Columbia in Victoria, BC.