“Don’t wanna be all by myself anymore.” —Eric Carmen
Have you reached out to a lonely person lately? Or are you a lonely person? Loneliness and isolation are concerns in Canada as more and more people retire and find themselves living alone. In the US, the Surgeon General Vivek Murthy states, “Loneliness is at epidemic proportions.”
We need to stay connected with people we care about and who care about us.
Murthy says, “Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight — one that can help us lead healthier, more fulfilled and more productive lives.”
And according to Clare Morgan in Scientific American, “loneliness has been estimated to shorten a person’s life by 15 years, equivalent in impact to being obese or smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”
As a younger person, I experienced loneliness and it’s not a place to which I want to return. After marriage, I found myself hundreds of kilometres away in a small northern town, far from my friends and family. People my age were unmarried, childless and out partying. I was a housebound mother of two, struggling to make ends meet.
One Sunday morning, I went to church. People greeted me, and my children went off to Sunday School. Afterwards, I had coffee with my new friends. Soon I was busy and fulfilled with new friends and activities.
Just this morning, I wished one of those friends a happy 80th birthday on my Facebook page. We live in different parts of the province now, but we are still in touch. I wrote: “Happy Birthday, Ruth! I get a warm feeling every time I think of our adventures together so many years ago living in Mackenzie.”
Loneliness is real, and as we age, it can happen more frequently. Life is more complicated than ticking items off a list, but if you are lonely, you can use these suggestions as a starting point to feel more connected:
- Learn to enjoy your own company first.
- Take some personal growth courses online or in person.
- Identify activities you like to participate in.
- Garden in your front yard and talk to the folks who walk by.
- Start a regular coffee or tea date with a friend, relative or neighbour. Adhere to the weekly or daily schedule. For instance, I meet with my friend Sandy once a week. When someone wants me to do something else that day, I simply say, “My Tuesday afternoon meetings are non-negotiable.” People never argue with that.
- Volunteer
- Get a pet or become a foster pet parent.
- Move into a Seniors’ Residence with lots of activities and communal meals.
- Find a social or special interest group that resonates with you. Announce “I’m new, I’m looking for ways to belong to this group.” Be proactive and take the first step.
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Laurie Mueller, M.Ed is retired and living in Victoria with her husband, Helmuth. She recently published The Ultimate Guide on What to Do When Someone You Love Dies, available on Amazon. More about Laurie can be found at www.lauriemconsulting.com or on Facebook.