The bond between grandparents and grandchildren can often be a special one. No one knows that better than Pauline Daniel, author of Tuesdays with Jack, a compilation of memoirs and reflections of her time spent with her grandson, Jack.
Pauline, a life coach who lives in BC’S Kootenay Mountains, hadn’t intended to publish a book, but when she started making regular posts on her Facebook page about her weekly dates with Jack, her friends and followers enjoyed them so much, they encouraged her to write it.
The seed was planted. “I am a ‘follow your heart’ woman,” Pauline says. “It’s how I live and work. It was a desire that wouldn’t go away when I started thinking about it, even though I knew nothing about writing a book. I had written articles for my coaching column in our local newspaper, but nothing more. I believe a desire to do something fuels us, and it is so important, it is tied to life force and purpose. This can happen at any age and it is meant to be trusted, even though it feels scary and out of our depth.” Pauline went on to find a coach and an editor that helped her develop the perfect formula for her book.
In Tuesdays with Jack, Pauline writes about their Tuesday activities, the day she babysits Jack when his parents are at work, and some lovely snippets of conversations that exude the naïve wisdom only children possess. On a deeper level, Pauline shares what their interactions have taught her about the world, life and herself.
“For one thing, hanging out with Jack makes me realize how important the present moment is,” says Pauline. “‘Now’ is all there is – don’t take it for granted. I know this message is overstated these days, but that is the gift of this boy for me. I’ve read the longer we stay in the present moment, the slower we age. When my son was a baby and a toddler, I was always focused on the next step: crawling, walking, I couldn’t wait to hear the sound of his voice when he started to talk, what outfit he’d grow into next.”
The book covers Pauline’s adventures with Jack from the time he was born to the age of five. But time stands still for no one, and now that Jack is seven, he spends Tuesdays in school. Their Tuesday date stands, however, and Pauline picks him up after school with his favourite treat in hand.
“Now Jack tells me about his day,” Pauline says, “and he still starts every sentence with ‘Buba’ (the Russian word for grandmother), which I never tire of hearing. I take advantage of every moment, because I know all too soon his other activities and friends will be more important. We aim for monthly sleepovers too. He is my very special guest and he knows it. Our relationship is deeper now – Jack knows me in ways that surprise me – he knows how important laughter is to me and that it’s a sign of my love. He will often say things to see the expression on my face. There’s no reading on my lap anymore, and we have less cuddle time, but I still manage to get in a squeeze or two on Buba Day. Jack knows our home is his second home, and I hope that safe and warm truth continues into our relationship in the coming years.”
Pauline still regularly posts on her “Tuesdays with Jack” Facebook page. The substance of those posts has shifted though, and she now talks more about their adventures and her feelings, rather than including direct quotes from Jack.
“It feels like a loss, and I think it might be for readers as well. However, now that Jack is older and kids in school are more aware of social media, it is important I honour his privacy around what we share.”
Being a baby boomer has also affected how Pauline grandparents.
“Grandparenting seems bigger for my generation. It’s the biggest, purest love and when grandparents talk, we instantly relate (and weren’t we all just listening to Led Zeppelin?). Ours is the generation that brought natural childbirth and breastfeeding back, introduced prenatal classes and insisted on dads in the delivery room.”
Although Pauline knows grandfathers and men read her posts on Facebook, it’s the mothers and grandmothers who comment and share posts about their children and grandchildren.
“I hope I don’t get into hot water here,” says Pauline, “but what I notice is how big the love for grandparenting is for grandmothers of my generation. I don’t remember my grandmother and her friends talking about it and sharing it the way my women friends and I do. I know my grandmother felt it, because she laughed a lot, and I understand that now. I love how my husband loves Jack and talks about him proudly. But I think women hold love in ways men don’t.”
Pauline clarifies she’s not sure she has any grandparenting advice to give – Tuesdays with Jack is not an advice book. And she admits she made mistakes and has “grandmother guilt” now.
“I wasn’t prepared – in the same way nine months of pregnancy doesn’t prepare you for motherhood – for that all-encompassing, unconditional flesh-of-my-flesh love I felt for Jack. I was driven and came on too strong wanting to be with the baby. I could have been more helpful, and I should have asked more often what my son and daughter-in-law wanted or needed instead of asking to be with the baby. I think mothers of sons have a different role, and it feels like a fine line to walk sometimes. A bit lonely.”
Will there be more books about Jack in the future? If it were up to Jack, there would be. Jack thinks Pauline should write about him every 10 years.
“He likes that his drawings are in the book, and he took signing the book very seriously at my launch in May,” says Pauline. “I hope he will always see this book as a tribute to him, to our relationship and part of my legacy.”
Even though the idea has crossed her mind, so far Pauline doesn’t have any definitive plans for more books. “I find writing a challenging process,” she says, “it took six months to write Tuesdays with Jack, and I was so depleted, you’d think I wrote War and Peace!”
Tuesdays with Jack is available on amazon.ca
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