“Who here was married before they were ready?” Every single woman raises her hand. The women tell us what it was like to be married at a young age, and how it not only affected their lives but the lives of their daughters and granddaughters as well.
This may sound like an odd question to ask a group of women. But in Bangladesh, where 52 per cent of women marry under the age of 18, it speaks to how serious the issue of child, early and forced marriage is in developing countries.
The cycle of child brides in Bangladesh
In the small northern Bangladesh town of Dinajpur, we meet an 18-year-old woman named Rubina. Her young daughter Jim is there, along with her mother, Lovely, and brother Faridul.
As Rubina tells us her story, they all wipe away tears. I do too, imagining what my life would have been like if I had been married at the age of 12.
Rubina was married off at a young age because of a deal her grandfather made before she was born. The understanding was that she would marry his friend’s son. That deal resulted in a life where opportunities like school, friends and family were taken from her.
Rubina’s mother, who looks to be my age — in her late thirties — could do nothing to help her daughter’s situation.
She also married at a young age because she didn’t know any other way and had to respect the wishes of the family patriarch.
Faridul, who cried quietly beside his sister as she spoke, felt powerless and unable to help. He told us later that even though he could see Rubina didn’t want to get married, he was too young to stop it.
The cost of early marriage
Being married early comes with so many costs and the consequences are immense. Girls are usually pulled out of school when they are married — limiting their ability to participate in economic activities, curbing their access to knowledge and information, and restricting their social circles. They also have to deal with the reality of their new lives.
We heard countless stories about girls that were married off too young and weren’t mature enough to deal with the huge responsibility of making and maintaining a family.
In most instances, these girls don’t know how to care for themselves, let alone their husbands and their babies. The natural act of giving birth at such a young age, when their bodies aren’t ready, has consequences for their health and the health of their children.
While Bangladesh has a law that states that girls must be 18 before they marry, the practice continues. But this is not an issue that is exclusive to Bangladesh. In India, 47 per cent of women between the ages of 20 and 24 years were married under the age of 18. In Nepal, it sits at 37 per cent.
These alarming numbers is one of the reasons Oxfam is running the project called Creating Spaces. The project, funded by Global Affairs Canada, focuses on tackling violence against women and girls and ending child, early or forced marriage. It prioritizes work on prevention, response and research around these important issues in six countries — Bangladesh, India, Indonesia, Nepal, Pakistan and the Philippines.
What does that look like in practice?
Our approach targets local laws and policies and how they are implemented. We work on the ground, in these countries, to facilitate knowledge-sharing between local partners and countries to generate widespread change.
We help individuals and institutions connect, share, learn and adapt approaches to ending violence against women and girls.
We couldn’t do the work without these local organizations, who are run by some fierce and feisty women that go to battle every day to change the attitudes and behaviours that perpetuate violence against women and girls.
Smalls steps that are leading to change
Back in that small northern Bangladesh town of Dinajpur, where we met Rubina, we can see the project working. Community groups have been formed in Dinajpur that allow women, youth and men the space to talk about the issues that affect them and their families.
For Rubina, because of the information and strength she’s gained from her community group, she has managed to convince her in-laws to let her finish school, and is now armed with knowledge about her rights.
Her mother also now knows that it was a mistake to marry Rubina so young, and has vowed that this will not happen to her granddaughter. Rubina’s brother Faridul has become an advocate — active in the youth group, re-writing traditional songs to include messages about the harmful impacts of child marriage and reporting to the local authorities when he hears of a marriage of a young girl taking place.
Even Rubina’s husband has started attending one of the community groups, which she says has helped him become a better parent to their daughter.
Changing social practices that have been the norm for centuries and are deeply embedded in the culture and mindsets is slow. But because of the discussions taking place with the support of Creating Spaces, women are committed to not letting their young daughters suffer the same fate they did.
As we leave Dinajpur and the courtyard we’ve been sitting in all afternoon, the nearby school children are let out from their classes. They look at us, curious, and I feel sure that with the women in this community watching over them, these girls’ lives will be different from their mothers.
Rubina: “I have learned a lot about the impact of child marriage from this group. I am lucky to have my brother and my mother involved in this group. I know now that I can stand up for my rights. It will be different for my daughter Jim. I will do everything I can to make sure that she stays in school and gets an education. We cannot change the past, but we can change the future.”
Faridul: “I was only a child when my sister was forced to marry. I just stood by and watched it happen. I have promised my sister and myself that I will not stand by and let any child marriages happen. I care a lot about my sister. It hurts me to see how much pain she has experienced because of her marriage. She is just a child, but was forced to live the life of an adult. And now she has a baby. She never got to have her childhood.”
Lovely with her daughter, Rubina and granddaughter, Jim: “I feel really bad about marrying my daughter as a child. I wish I hadn’t. But I did not know. My mother was married as a child. I was married when I was a child. It was just the way that things were. And with my husband’s father, I did not have a voice in the situation. But it ends now. No more child marriage. Now I know that mothers need to stand up for their daughters.”
Shampa from Chakul village in Birampur, Dinajpur, Bangaldesh. After participating in Creating Spaces, she is now an entrepreneur: “A cause of domestic violence is women have no economic power of their own. Despite earning money, they don’t have the right to spend it. Only economic power can give the right and proper respect to women. It’s the only way to gain equal rights in our society.”
Ferdousi is 36 years old and faces domestic violence on a daily basis. She went through a Creating Spaces skills training workshop, learned how to run her own small business in Dinajpur, Bangaldesh and is now in partnership with Shampa: “I was only 12 years old when I got married. Since the time of my marriage, my husband has been torturing me and the situation is still like same as before. I am the only daughter of my parents, I don’t have any siblings and my father had also died long ago. So my mother [had me married] as early as possible as there was no one to look after me… In the past, I had no courage to think about separating from my husband. Divorced women are neglected in our society. But now, since I am earning my own living, I have gained courage to make big decisions in my life. Now I am planning to divorce my husband and free myself from this torture once and for all. I am thankful to Creating Spaces because without this community group I would never able to get the strength to change my situation.”
Business partners Ferdousi and Shampa in Birampur, Dinajpur, Bangaldesh.
Shandha Rani Bagchi is a social activist working in the Dinajpur district. She has spent her career working to end child marriage and violence against women and girls as a government officer in the District Women Affairs Department: “After 16 months of the Creating Spaces project, I can see a lot of changes in the community. Many school-going and college-going boys and girls have joined the youth group of this project. They are saying, ‘it is a very good initiative and these orientations are very helpful for us. From now on we are firmly committed that we won’t give and take a dowry, we won’t marry at an early age and try to stop others from doing this crime.’ Change is happening — slowly, but surely. But we still have a long way to go to achieve gender equality.”
Afia is 16 and earlier this year was able to escape a forced marriage: “My parents tried to force me to marry and because of the community, I had more information about child marriage. I told the group about my situation and they helped stop my marriage. My parents listened to the information about the dangers of child marriage. I am grateful that they listened. I am also grateful that the community group helped me. Now, I get to continue my studies. I love school. Studying is my passion. My dream is to become a doctor or a teacher.”
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